Dr. Harmonic is an honors graduate of the Pinhead Institute of Technology in Paramus, New Jersey. Preparing for a traditional IT career, he studied all aspects of Western computer care, from introductory mousepad maintenance to quantum singularity programming. He also enrolled in numerous courses about pins.
After completing his PhD thesis (“Powered USB Hubs: A Nietzschean Perspective”), he had a spiritual awakening and began to question all he had learned. So he followed the path of other seekers and embarked on a pilgrimage to India. There, huddled with his fellow pilgrims, he mastered the esoteric art of delivering technical support by telephone.
This knowledge was too important to keep from others. So he returned to America and established himself as the nation’s preeminent practitioner of holistic computer care. He soon gained a following among users frustrated by outmoded concepts such as Checking for Updates and Making Sure It’s Plugged In. Now you, too, can take advantage of his wisdom.
Central to the concept of holistic computing is a divine life force that pervades the universe. It flows through stars and planets and all living things, from the tiniest amoeba to the tallest redwood. It is a field of energy that connects us all in a seamless web of existence.
Chinese mystics refer to this force as chi. In the Hindu faith, it’s known as prana. But here in the Western World, we call it Wi-Fi.
Many computer ailments result from blockages in this essential force. Holistic practitioners attempt to remove the blocks by applying treatments such as Password-Reset Therapy or Tantric Keyboard Massage.
Native Americans in the Pacific Northwest speak of another mystical force that complements Wi-Fi. Some call it Espresso, but others know it as Latte or Cappuccino. Many spiritual traditions rely on its powers in their Awakening rituals.
These forces are all around us, but they are concentrated in mysterious energy centers known as Internet cafés. You can often find Dr. Harmonic in such places, healing computers and voiding their warranties. Many are moved to tears by these encounters, attesting to the power of his presence.
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