Our products and services...

Homeopathic Software

Homeopathic remedies are based on the principle of “like cures like.” Are you having trouble with software crashes? Try our specially formulated Essence of Microsoft. For virus infections, we recommend Esprit de Stuxnet. Other popular blends include Fleur du Xbox and Eau de Quicken. All products are 100% safe and natural, containing no functions, modules, procedures, statements or expressions.

Past-Life Memory Upgrades

Is your computer traumatized by a previous life as a coffee pot or toaster oven? Our patented RAM upgrades will replace those painful flashbacks with happy memories as a Hewlett-Packard pocket calculator.

Organically Grown PCs

Conventional PCs contain artificial materials formulated from toxic chemicals. Our custom-built Harmonic PCs contain all-natural ingredients, locally sourced from the Periodic Table of the Elements. We also offer a complete line of grass-fed mice and keyboards.

Psychic Network Routers

Forget the hassles of network setup. Our routers are fully compliant with the latest Telepathic Internet Protocols, so they already know your settings. Add an optional Spirit Medium module, and you can become Facebook friends with Abe Lincoln, Groucho Marx and Elvis.

Cruelty-Free Tech Support

We don't treat you as a faceless customer. Instead, our integrative approach recognizes that every user is a unique and valued computer accessory. Our trained counselors will suggest a program of nutrition, exercise and Boolean chanting to bring you into harmony with your PC. Dr. Harmonic himself will formulate a personalized diet rich in minerals and organic battery fluids.

All-Natural Virus Protection

Anti-virus software is invasive and can harm your computer. Our all-natural approach relies on your PC's built-in defenses to ward off malware. ReSt a55urED thAT n0 0N# w!11 HjK3#!! 123 @UO !A%C&%$#!! Hello, this is Sergei. You have  beautiful passwords. I hope you don't mind if I borrow this website. If you'd like it back, please send 300 cases of Frazzle Energy Drinks to my post office box in Bulgaria.

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